Love is for the Living by Nicholas Kinsley

Author:Nicholas Kinsley [Kinsley, Nicholas]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: romance, scifi, gay, zombies, apocalypse, science fiction, zombie, mm, ffp
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

DAY 75

08:43

Andrew had never been one for sitting still in a single place. Even though every moment held a little bit of tense fear, he missed the adrenaline of a fight, and damn it he missed the sea. After days of inaction, he’d asked Sarah if they needed any supplies, and she’d said they’d acquired enough on the previous run to last them at least two more weeks. It was risky leaving the house, not just because of the infected, but because of the other survivors camped out that saw them as competition.

There went that plan. Andrew had to admit to himself he’d been looking forward to going outside again, as mental as it sounded. Some twisted part of him itched to kill something that put up more of a fight than walkers and the occasional crawler. He wanted something that would require more thinking, something he had to hunt down.

It was strange, being on the civilian side.

But he couldn’t just sit around either. It was bad enough that he hadn’t been able to keep himself together and had ended up confessing his woes to Blaine, proceeding to kiss him after telling himself he wouldn’t do it again.

It had been horrible the first time. Luke hadn’t even been dead a day and Andrew had tainted his lips with someone else’s, let Blaine kiss him and feel him in ways only Luke ever had. He’d been disgusted with himself for days afterwards, even more disgusted when he’d let Blaine hold him.

I know you hate it, but c’mere, we’re having a cuddle.

The first few times he’d pretended it was Luke. He’d closed his eyes and imagined a time before the Outbreak, when he’d always grudgingly given in and let Luke manhandle him into little spoon.

But it was impossible to pretend for long. The floor was too hard to be a bed, the blankets and Blaine smelled completely different, and the hollow ache in Andrew’s chest always returned to remind him that no, Luke wasn’t alive anymore, Luke would never hold him this way again, and it was foolish to believe otherwise.

He had stopped pretending and started trying to find solace in the fact that someone still wanted to hold him this way. Despite everything he’d done, all the people whose lives were lost or ruined due to his actions, this half-Romanian kid with a monobrow found him worthy of being helped.

To make things worse, Blaine kept giving him looks, which were fine at night when Andrew deemed it okay to indulge and accept the concern (he was even alright with Darren being there, because the kid seemed able to keep his mouth shut), but during the day it was off-putting. Not just because he suspected Tim might have a problem with something going on between two men, but because Andrew didn’t think he was ready to care for someone again just yet. It was disrespectful to Luke’s memory, it was too painful to consider, and caring about someone was dangerous even when there wasn’t the possibility of losing them at any given moment.

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